oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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