I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
