Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
