I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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