Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
