Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
