hotel room ftw
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
