You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Even my vagina gasped.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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