she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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