So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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