I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
