frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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