I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
