My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
