we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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