I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
