i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
