this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize