My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
