piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize