Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
