clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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