that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
