pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
too bad you live with your parents still
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They took my balls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
