: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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