His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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