how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
