I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
