Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
