I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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