So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
