Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize