nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
