Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
