Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
