I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
