Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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