why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
