Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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