Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
