There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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