I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
