Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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