Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
