you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
