thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
