i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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