I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
