I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
