IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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