I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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