We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
