remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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