I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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