we have officially lost it.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
