Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
