words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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