My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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