This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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