Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
