your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
