That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
