Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
