she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize