happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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