when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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