I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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