I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
