dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
