Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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