Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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