What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
