i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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