I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
