There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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