pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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