I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
