Umm I'm too high to move.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize