i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
