He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont even know how to be here
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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