Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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