you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think i have two assholes
is wine microwaveable?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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