Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize