Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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