Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
