yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
